Recently I have been learning to extend myself more GRACE.
In my experience, others have told me they are "showing me grace," but often, I did not feel that extension of grace from them. I also wondered why they felt compelled to tell me about the "grace" they were showing because, in my mind, I would never let grace go unnoticed.
Grace is energy.
Grace is active.
Grace is alive.
Grace is unconditional love.
I realized that perhaps the lack of true grace in my life was because I did not do the best job of showing myself grace. Maybe it was because I failed to realize the grace I deserved from myself.
I concluded that it was unfair to believe someone else's extension of grace towards me was inconsiderate when the grace I showed myself was actually "half-assed."
As a solution, I have become more active and intentional about the grace I show to myself. Part of living more graciously is honoring my feelings and speaking up for myself.
Surprisingly, some people who I thought would be proud of me for finding my voice have not been accepting of my new boundaries. I have been met with reluctance or outright refusal to acknowledge my feelings or agree to reach a healthy space where we both could listen, process, and learn.
As you can imagine, that hurt me deeply, but I also love myself deeply!
There have been four or five moments in the past two months when I had to put my self-love into overflow. Putting my self-love into overflow means I did not allow myself to be gaslighted into explaining my "NO" or feeling guilty about my feelings.
A significant part of showing myself grace was no longer allowing myself to bury things that did not feel right and simply speaking out loud to the person who made me feel that way rather than being in a weird space about it until it blew over for me. Heavy on the 'FOR ME." Unfortunately, most people were oblivious that their actions had affected me, so instead of listening to my effort to make them aware, they were thinking about what to say to avoid accountability. Of course, I ended those friendships and relationships.
Again, I am in "The Overflow," and being able to express my feelings in a way I never had is peace for me regardless of the outcome. Every time I speak my truth, I have learned that it liberates me and elevates my outlook on choosing myself and seeing myself. Being in "The Overflow" has allowed me to lift heavy weights off my chest. I am excited about my new journey because I know I am soaring to some of my heights!