When Jada thanked Will for having the deep capacity to love her, I felt that like the words had come out of my mouth. I understand her and him because I am both of them; they are my binary order. My personal experience of being an open lover has been more about honesty and growth than it has been about sex or having multiply lovers simultaneously. I am certainly not Nola Darlin because I do not ‘gotta’ have it, but I did learn how to balance what I need and want from her. I have settled on the reason for my choice being that I deserve all the love and if someone wants to love me the way I deserve, who am I to stop him because pure love is boundless.
Who has seen all of me and can love all of me? That’s my entanglement.
Even I struggle with loving all of me simply because I have seen all of me. So the thing that I need to help me get there is in the depth of a lover’s soul who can bear the load of me and see the blessing of that experience, and it is also the same thing that allows a man to decide to love me with eyes wide open. I am what I am, and I have been loved by many for it. Surely, I cannot be loved for what I am not. I have welcomed lovers who did not have this thing. I have also pushed away lovers who have had this thing simply because I did not see it within them and I’m ok with that. Sometimes I have felt better alone than with anyone or many. It is about a feeling that emotes from me when the love that is good to me and for me is in sync. That is what will always keep me in love with love. The unconditional love energy that I require is something that I can feel, see, and hear all around me because that is what keeps any love bond of mine meaningful.~Love, Bea.
“To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.” Bell Hooks
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